Category: Q & A (page 10 of 17)

Divorce Complications

Anon – I’m a Christian and I divorced my repeatedly unfaithful husband a few years ago. He married again and I have had trouble with my relationships with my children who have embraced (accepted) his wife. I feel they have betrayed me, their mother. He has since died and I feel guilty that I did not stick it out with him. How does God fit into all this mess?

Dave – You’ve raised some good issues concerning marriage, family, devotion, and divorce. Although Scripture is clear that a person can divorce their spouse if that spouse cheats on them sexually, Scripture does not say that they must take this option. It simply says it’s okay to do so if you want.

So I believe married people should not divorce unless the Scripture says it is okay. No matter what has happened in the past, however, I also believe that couples should first try to reconcile before divorcing. If there is consistent physical/emotional abuse (which the Bible does not include), I think it wise to separate physically for self-preservation and try to work on problems without living together. Scripture also says that believers can divorce unbelievers if the non-Christian wants it.

Truly embracing someone else’s children from a second or third marriage is a difficult task because there was a broken covenant. This task, however, is not impossible with God at the helm. In some cases, families improve. No matter if we goof up in this life, when we turn our heart to Jesus, He will turn people’s hearts toward each other.

I think God permits divorce in cases of adultery because it symbolizes mankind’s continual unfaithfulness to God. He wants to make a point to us. Because we our in a sinful state, it is difficult to perceive the degree of wickedness in our actions and hearts. Of course, a strong love can forgive and repair a relationship, but ONLY when the guilty person truly repents. Without repentance, there can be no relationship no matter how much unconditional love is in a heart. Now this love will empower us to forgive the guilty person (even 70 X 7 times), but that does not mean a relationship of marriage will be restored. It takes two to do this, not one. If a person hits me in my face at lunch break in a cafeteria, I will forgive him. But if he continues to do the same, I’ll forgive him but not sit with him. This concept can be applied to divorce as well.

I understand the voices you hear in your mind making you regret divorcing your husband. Obviously I do not know all the details of your husband’s behaviors, but it sounds like his sin against you, your family, and God was an ongoing thing that was not leading to a willingness to be helped to change. People can change even though they are not Christians. It happens all the time. Granted, we have an advantage being plugged into the Redeemer, but God gives grace even to unbelievers at times (“He sends rain on the just and unjust“).

Concerning you relationship with your chidren whom you feel have betrayed you, God can restore relationships. Humble, honest self-evaluation coupled with a sensitivity to the Holy spirit works wonders. I know one of your children, and she loves and cares for you much. I don’t think she has rejected you because she has accepted your ex-husband’s wife into her life. If there are deeper issues here, Christian counseling is needed.

I sense there is deep-rooted anguish in your soul about your divorce. Because I do not know much about what went on in those days, I do know that it is in the past…and any wrongdoing on your part (if there was any) has been forgiven you by Jesus Christ who is Lord over all. You can begin to rebuke that demonic voice that attacks your thought-life in the name of Jesus and it will lose its power over you in time. It’s kind of like quitting smoking cigarettes. The voices that urge us to begin again are strong and consistent for the first few weeks, then gradually fade in power over the months. So when you first start arming yourself with God’s weapons over your enemy’s voice and using them, those demons will go, but will return soon after. But if you do not allow them to really penetrate your mind by using Jesus’ authority over them, you will discover, over time, that you will no longer be tormented by them. If you feel you need more help, find a good Christian counselor or pastor.

Feedback so far:

Jim I – Thanks for sending this Dave. The enemy had a field day with me went I went through divorce.

Is Euthanasia Ever Justified?

Many Christians seem to be opposed to this concept in all cases. For me, however, there may be a difference between putting someone to death and allowing them to die. Our technology has grown to the point of causing serious ethical questions. Doctors, for example, can keep someone “alive” for months who has had a life-threatening stroke.

I’ve had two difficult personal experiences with this issue. One of my best friends named Bob developed ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease). It is 100% fatal. It’s a nasty disease that slowly destroys muscle ability to move. When it hits the diaphragm, people cannot breathe on their own. Finally all internal movement goes and the person will die no matter what kind of life support they have access to. In Bob’s case, we fervently prayed for his healing. That never happened. He realized that God must be taking him home and he did not want surgery to open a new airway for a breathing machine to be hooked up to him. His wife and two children, however, insisted that he go through the procedure, so he did it for them. I visited him the next day in the hospital and when he saw me, he rolled his eyes back as if to say, “I knew this was a bad idea!” Of course, he still had a tube in his airway and could not speak, but clearly he was physically and mentally suffering from this procedure.

He was now dependent on that machine to inflate his lungs. He could not move any body part except his eyes, so he would signal things to his family by blinking. He could not even tell his family that he had an itch somewhere on his body. He was simply painfully existing with full mental capacity (horrible awareness).

His family eventually realized that they made Bob go through all this so they would not have to deal with his passing, so they finally gave Bob his wish. With some official people on hand, they “pulled the plug” and Bob slipped away to his Father in Heaven. This was back in 1986 and I miss him, but was happy for him.

I say all this to make the point that we cannot make a doctrine of “one size fits all” on this tough issue. We need to discern every case separately because there are many factors to consider. Would it have been wrong to allow Bob to die naturally from ALS without putting him through the pain and torment of “extended life?” I do not see sin in this decision if Bob was okay with it.

Many Christians, rightfully so, are concerned with giving the okay in the above example becoming a “slippery slope” to all sorts of wrongful deaths. I agree that we need to be on the alert for such a mindset. This does not cancel, however, the loving concern in Bob’s case. There are many people who are suffering but not from a fatal disease and they want to die. Again, these need to be decided on a case by case basis. We certainly do not advocate suicide.

My other case in 2009 involved my dad who always insisted that if he became severely incapacitated, that we not put him on life support. People can opt for DNR (do not resuscitate). This was my dad’s choice and he made it while being fully mentally aware of the ramifications. At age 89, he had a massive stroke and in spite of us recognizing what happened very soon and getting him to the best of care for strokes in Buffalo’s Millard Filmore Hospital, the experts diagnosed the seriousness of his condition and told us that he would be “a handful” to take care of if he survived. While I do not think that this factor should be part of a life-death decision, we did honor his prior DNR request. Doctors assured us that they could make him comfortable with drugs until he passed.

My sister and I also had to consider our mom. She had just been diagnosed with a serious carotid artery (main vessel to the brain) blockage that needed surgery (probably to save her life) and her doctor told her to keep her emotional stress levels low until her scheduled operation! She did remarkably well through the ordeal and is doing very well as of today at age 89. My sister and I had many Christian friends praying through this family ordeal and I believe that God’s will was done.

In conclusion, it is sometimes difficult to formulate a “one size fits all” doctrine in Christianity. I think, however, we need to reject the broad philosophy of Jack Kevorkian, commonly known as “Dr. Death.” There are, of course, many factors to consider when faced with this issue. In Bob’s case, his access to technology only served to prolong intense suffering imposed onto him by others and his family finally realized they were being selfish. We all want to uphold the great value of life that God gives us, but at the same time, we need to have the Holy Spirit’s discernment to make decisions…not always an easy task.

Feedback:

Gary R – Well now you have ventured into the veritable “slippery slope.” Frankly, lets get real here. HOSPICE CARE is nothing more than euthanasia. They put these horribly ill poor people in these so called care facilities then fill them up with morphine in the interest of “comfort” until they pass out, stop breathing, and die. I personally witnessed my best friend Ray Fletcher put down like a dog. This happens DAILY, minute by minute in this country and NO ONE does a thing about it. The Bible is out the window and the world takes over. Frankly, they are killing the wrong people.

Mike M – I volunteered at a hospice (Isaiah House) for many years. I never saw what is described [above]. People were made comfortable, but never drugged to death.

Chris L – Wow, what an interesting contrast. What are the Bible verses that Gary believes are thrown out the window? I could be unfairly judging, but my guess is that he is relying on his experiences and gut feelings rather than an actual sound interpretation of scripture. I’m not sure scripture ever directly addresses the issue; at best one’s opinion on the topic comes from an indirect application of an interpretation of scripture. Certainly have to be careful about that…

I do know that God commands us to do unto others what we would want done to us, love others, respect others, respect elders, care for the sick and poor, etc. that can probably justify a whole range of opinions on the issue. As you know, I thought yours and mom’s decision with respect to Grandpa was absolutely made out of love, respect, goodness, wisdom, etc. But could it has been wrong? I don’t know. I feel like people do things wrong all the time, every day, and yet sometimes the decisions actually made out of a right motivation are what people harp on. It’s like Satan’s great distraction to make people so focused on debating this very difficult issue that they can forget to operate out of love when even doing so. Same with abortion and other tough topics.

At some point, my opinion is that we can’t unilaterally characterize certain actions as right or wrong with an evaluation of the heart that only God can do. Maybe some people pull the plug for completely selfish reasons that God despises. Maybe others do not pull the plug out of selfish reasons that equally concerns God. I would assume that anyone actually struggling with the issue is at least at the right starting point…it might be even  more important to respect the difficulties than to take a firm stand either way.

Frankly, though, my initial reaction to Gary may be unfair. To me, his comments seem ignorant, destructive, and not at all how God would want Christians to respond to this issue. But am I guilty of being too concerned about sounding sophisticated and really only pretending to be loving while missing the simple plain truth that Gary is right? Am I missing that Gary is really speaking out of a sincere conviction born out of deep prayer and personal experience? Has he prayed more about this issue and received more insight than me? Maybe. But I still think his approach is totally inappropriate though…so I can’t help myself from judging him…

Pat T – Thanks for sharing these heartfelt testimonies with us. I hope they inspire others to make “advance directives” (a legal document) about their end of life care so they and others do not have to go through any needless suffering. I agree it is very difficult for families and other loved ones to make such decisions and not all people agree as to what is best, but in the end it makes it all the more difficult in what to do if ones wishes are not made in advance. My wife had made her decisions known about her end of life care to others and our doctor after much prayer and counsel in which I am very grateful. It made her passing with her loved ones by her side with the appropriate care (hospice) to relieve any needless pain. When the MS had ravished her body to the point where she could not move, speak, or swallow, as difficult as it was to let her go, I knew her life would be so much better in heaven than for her to be put on life support. I also knew it would have been selfish of me to keep her alive (I had that option) when she had already made her end of life care decisions known. Also, most hospitals have a default policy to resuscitate all patients who do not declare an advance directive regardless of their condition. And even if one has declared an advance directive to not resuscitate (DNR), it is not automatic if it not made known to all hospital staff. My own mom had this happen to her when she stopped breathing in a hospital even though she had declared not to be resuscitated in a written advance directive. We watched helplessly for weeks her body kept alive in an vegetative state only to have to make the painful decision to unplug her. Something that should not have happened. Also, advance directives are not etched in stone, sometimes life support is necessary for a brief period of time to keep someone alive to bounce back (doctors can help here). Again, I know this is a very personal decision and every circumstance if unique and requires much prayer and counsel before you let someone go to their heavenly Father. Thanks Dave for bringing this topic up for discussion.

How Old is the Earth/Universe?

A good Christian friend of mine named John casually mentioned that the earth/universe is billions of years old as part of a message on other info he sent me. So I commented on the age of the earth saying that many unprovable assumptions are at work here, and there is more that we do not know than what we know about matter, time, and creation history in scientific terms. For example, the speed of light used to be thought of as constant, but not now.

John’s Response – True, David. I’m working on the Vernon McGee assumption that there was an enormous period of time involved at the beginning of creation. His hypothesis is basically, that there was creation of the universe, some enormous cataclysm (probably connected with the fall of Satan), then the rest of creation. You can either agree, or not. It seems to be upheld because of… well, I’ll send it to you and let McGee explain it.

As I told you, I believe all parts of the Word are important, but God has not given me a consuming interest in the parts that don’t center on salvation (I’ll blame Him). He has obviously made that part important to you, perhaps partially so that you can teach me! : )

True also that “billions of years” cannot be proven. The flip side of that is that neither can it be disproven. That brings me to consider that really this argument about the length of time that passes in the course of “creation” is based on speculation from both directions. God wrote perhaps several hundred times more about the last 8 days of Christ’s life than he wrote about the creation of the universe. I take that as a significant clue that He prefers that we concentrate on salvation over speculation. I suppose I do throw in speculation, but I don’t insist that that speculation is right.

Vernon McGee (1904-1988) stated his old-earth views quite plainly: The first eleven chapters [of Genesis] cover a minimum time spans of two thousand years – actually, two thousand years plus. I feel that it is safe to say that they may cover several hundred thousand years. I believe this first section of Genesis can cover any time in the past that you may need to fit into your particular theory, and the chances are that you would come short of it even then.

Who created the universe? God did. He created it out of nothing. When? I don’t know, and nobody else knows. Some men say one billion years ago, some say two billion, and now some say five billion. I personally suspect they are all pikers. I think God created it long before that.

In the enclosed audio file, listen from 2:00 – 8:00 of file 01002. McGee thinks that Moses would be amused at people “missing the point”. In file 01005, listen from 9:30 to maybe 12:00.

There’s another file that explains the actual original wording, which is a very compelling argument to make me believe that McGee’s interpretation is right. I’ll send that along when I find it.

Now, please understand that I converse with people who have the most bizarre views of God and the universe. As with you, all those years ago at Camp Kenan, I gently begin with salvation and hope the seed lands in fertile soil. In the meantime, with the help of you, Franklyn, Vernon, and… oh, yeah – God, I try to improve my understanding. I feed that to others at the fastest rate that I believe they can receive it. I make it fairly clear that I believe with all my heart, but that I also have SO much to learn.

Regards, John P.S. This is not in any way to refute. It is only to explain.

Dave’s Response – I appreciate your sensitivity on this issue of age of the earth and universe. I certainly agree with you that the answer does not determine salvation. The young-earth creationists claim the same. What deeply bothers the young-earthers is that the only driving force compelling the old-agers belief system is because evolution, in order to be true, MUST have billions and billions of years to do its “magic.” In other words, evolution theory is causing this error. Error causes further error. When science bases its beliefs on a foundational error, how can one trust its off-shoots?

If evolution was not in the minds of scientists and Bible believers, a plain reading of Genesis makes the earth thousands, not billions of years old. James Ussher (1581-1656) was Church of Ireland Archbishop of Armagh and Primate of All Ireland between 1625 and 1656. He was a prolific scholar, who most famously published a chronology that purported to establish the time and date of the creation as the night preceding Sunday, 23 October 4004 BC, according to the proleptic Julian calendar. Although mocked in arrogant evolutionist circles, Ussher was no quack and his research was excellent. The conclusion is that there is simply no room in human history for billions of years. When we especially realize that the Bible is emphatic concerning there was no death before sin, an evolutionary history is totally incompatible with Holy Scriptures. In other words, as soon as a Christian believes in billions of years of history, then death and suffering had to have begun BEFORE Adam and Eve sinned. It is HERE where the slippery slope to undermine the authority and accuracy of Scripture begins. If you can resolve this conflict, then I may be partly open to the idea of billions of years of history.

Dr. Russell Humphreys is a brilliant scientist who has formulated complicated theories asserting a young earth and universe. Humphreys graduated B.S. from Duke University and was awarded his Ph.D in physics from Louisiana State University in 1972. He has worked for General Electric and Sandia National Laboratories in nuclear physics where he received a patent and a science award so he is far from being some quack. He has offered a Young Earth Creationist cosmological model to deal with the distant starlight problem and has answered well criticisms from those who attack him. His book is entitled, “Starlight and Time.”

The truth is that science, because it has grown in knowledge so fast in modern times, has become arrogant with this knowledge and has closed its mind to alternative thinking, the one thing this discipline should NEVER do. That said, I still agree with you about not emphasizing all this when witnessing because our culture has been too evolutionized and this would be “casting peals before the swine” type of thing. If the age of the earth comes up, I simply say there are different views that can be defended. But for the Christian who really trusts the Scriptures, they need to look harder into this issue. It is slippery slope when people start treating Genesis as non historical.

Here is a list of just some of the many scientific problems with the earth being billions of years old:

  1. Helium rises from under the earth’s crust and continues to leak out of the atmosphere. By now there should be none left but there is a lot still in the earth.
  2.  The oceans gradually get saltier, but they are only 3.6% salt today. If earth is real old, that percentage
    should be much higher.
  3.  Oil under the earth;s crust is still under too much pressure. If earth is really old, that pressure would
    have relieved itself long ago.
  4.  If old, the sea floor should have much more sediment built up.
  5.  The moon is gradually moving away from earth. if this rate of distance change has been constant (as all evolutionist bet on), then billions of year ago it would have been too close to earth and would have caused multiple problems resulting in killing of all life. In addition, the moon should be much farther away by now.
  6.  If old, human populations should be much more advanced by now. Have you ever wondered why the native American Indian population was not as dense as in the Middle East and Europe? I think it is because the first humans came from the Fertile Crescent area some 6,000-10,000 years ago and migration and population increase takes time.
  7. The magnetic field is getting weaker at a rate that can be measured. Assuming this has been a constant rate which evolutionists assert, it would be too weak by now to protect life.
  8.  Earth’s rotation is slowing which means it used to be faster. If we go back thousands of years there is no problem because the speed of rotation would only be slightly faster. But go back billions of years, we have earth spinning so fast that no life could exist.
  9.  Top soil forms slowly and we have only a handful of inches. If older, we should have much more.
  10.  Ice core rings are not annual rings. Warm-cold changes form them so one year could have multiple rings. Therefore, we cannot determine age by simply counting rings.
  11.  Oldest tree is the Bristle Cone Pine and dates only 4300 years. If earth is older, why aren’t there trees
    older? Noah’s Flood happened about 4500 years ago where all the trees were wiped out (but not there
    seeds).
  12.  Stalagmites and stalactites form quickly under the right conditions – several feet in a few years.
    These are not proofs of an ancient earth.
  13.  The Radio Isotopes and the Age of the Earth (RATE) research group excavated many organic samples from various levels within the earth’s crust, some very deep while other not so deep and many in between. They sent different samples to different labs to be carbon dated. They did not tell the labs they were creation scientists fearing non cooperation or fudging the results due to deeply held biases. Carbon-14 is constantly entering any living thing (plant or animal) but as soon as the life dies, the carbon-14 ceases to accumulate. Instead it decays into Nitrogen-14. The half-life of C-14 is 5,730 years. This means that in that amount of time, half of it has changed over to N-14. After, say, 30,000 years, scientists will not be able to detect it any longer. Certainly if something died millions of years ago, no traces of C-14 could ever be found. The RATE results provide scientific proof that all samples studied died only thousands of years ago and at about the same time in history due to the residue of C-14 remaining in all the samples! The results also indicate they died at about the same time. Since this evidence contradicts evolutionary theory, evolutionists who have commented on this say that there must have been a contamination of the samples. While this is always a possibility in this kind of study, it is remote due to special care the scientists take to prevent it. So far as I know, critics have simply stated their problem with the RATE findings rather than attempting to duplicate the study. Any open-minded researcher would be motivated to try to replicate this. RATE published its findings in November 2005. They also now suspect that decay rates have not been constant. Specifically, they think that before Noah’s Flood, due to severe differences in atmosphere and other factors, these rates were much faster than what they are today which could explain false old-age readings based on modern day assumptions (uniformitarianism) concerning all decay rates.

Why haven’t evolutionists ever Carbon-14 tested samples found buried deep? Their “geologic column” rules their minds. In other words, they view the age of a sample by how deep it is found. Simply put, they judge the age of the sample by what layer it was found in and they judge the age of the layer by what samples were found in them. If this isn’t circular reasoning I don’t know what is. In their minds it is a waste of time and money to Carbon-14 test a sample that “obviously” died millions of years ago. Just some food for thought.

I listened to your first file from Vernon McGee. All is arguments against evolution were good except the info about the Puluxy River Valley that supposedly had human and dinosaur footprints together. Dr. Carl Baugh first reported this info. According to Answers in Genesis, this is not a credible report for various scientific reasons. One good thing about AIG is that they stay up on latest facts, criticisms, and theories about origins and history.

I just finished your second file on Divisions, but it stopped after 9 minutes 30 sec and did not continue on. I thought that there might be more. In any case, from what I did hear, he never dealt with the death before sin problem of old-earthers. By the way, young-earthers realize what the emphasis is with Christianity and the Bible. McGee implies that we don’t.

John’s Response – I agree that the slope is slippery. I think many learned Christians contend that even if the McGee thoughts are correct, that it opens the door to evolution. My thought is that God knew all of this would happen and He could have ended the controversy by a couple sentences in Genesis. He chose not to. If I adopt the young earth theory, it would be against my judgement at this point. Since I know that it is a possible stumbling block for others, I just tend to stay away from it. Because of my background of the last 10 years, people like to draw me into these conversations, so I neither confirm, nor deny, and revector them into the salvation story. The best explanation I’ve read/heard is McGee’s, but I keep an open mind, but not so open that it allows my brains to fall out.J

There is far more evidence to support the existence of our saving God than there is to support evolution. I believe the hand of Satan guided the pens of Darwin, Mohammad, … My stumbling block is that God’s story has always been so obvious to me that it’s hard for me to understand why it is so confusing to others. Frankly, I can’t fathom the motivation for people who seemingly prefer to walk around blind.

I appreciate your patience with me, and the part you have played in my eternity, my friend. We have forever to chat, and that’s kinda nice.

Feedback:

Dave W (4/26/13) – Nice Job Dave.

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