Tag: relationship

Divorce Complications

Anon – I’m a Christian and I divorced my repeatedly unfaithful husband a few years ago. He married again and I have had trouble with my relationships with my children who have embraced (accepted) his wife. I feel they have betrayed me, their mother. He has since died and I feel guilty that I did not stick it out with him. How does God fit into all this mess?

Dave – You’ve raised some good issues concerning marriage, family, devotion, and divorce. Although Scripture is clear that a person can divorce their spouse if that spouse cheats on them sexually, Scripture does not say that they must take this option. It simply says it’s okay to do so if you want.

So I believe married people should not divorce unless the Scripture says it is okay. No matter what has happened in the past, however, I also believe that couples should first try to reconcile before divorcing. If there is consistent physical/emotional abuse (which the Bible does not include), I think it wise to separate physically for self-preservation and try to work on problems without living together. Scripture also says that believers can divorce unbelievers if the non-Christian wants it.

Truly embracing someone else’s children from a second or third marriage is a difficult task because there was a broken covenant. This task, however, is not impossible with God at the helm. In some cases, families improve. No matter if we goof up in this life, when we turn our heart to Jesus, He will turn people’s hearts toward each other.

I think God permits divorce in cases of adultery because it symbolizes mankind’s continual unfaithfulness to God. He wants to make a point to us. Because we our in a sinful state, it is difficult to perceive the degree of wickedness in our actions and hearts. Of course, a strong love can forgive and repair a relationship, but ONLY when the guilty person truly repents. Without repentance, there can be no relationship no matter how much unconditional love is in a heart. Now this love will empower us to forgive the guilty person (even 70 X 7 times), but that does not mean a relationship of marriage will be restored. It takes two to do this, not one. If a person hits me in my face at lunch break in a cafeteria, I will forgive him. But if he continues to do the same, I’ll forgive him but not sit with him. This concept can be applied to divorce as well.

I understand the voices you hear in your mind making you regret divorcing your husband. Obviously I do not know all the details of your husband’s behaviors, but it sounds like his sin against you, your family, and God was an ongoing thing that was not leading to a willingness to be helped to change. People can change even though they are not Christians. It happens all the time. Granted, we have an advantage being plugged into the Redeemer, but God gives grace even to unbelievers at times (“He sends rain on the just and unjust“).

Concerning you relationship with your chidren whom you feel have betrayed you, God can restore relationships. Humble, honest self-evaluation coupled with a sensitivity to the Holy spirit works wonders. I know one of your children, and she loves and cares for you much. I don’t think she has rejected you because she has accepted your ex-husband’s wife into her life. If there are deeper issues here, Christian counseling is needed.

I sense there is deep-rooted anguish in your soul about your divorce. Because I do not know much about what went on in those days, I do know that it is in the past…and any wrongdoing on your part (if there was any) has been forgiven you by Jesus Christ who is Lord over all. You can begin to rebuke that demonic voice that attacks your thought-life in the name of Jesus and it will lose its power over you in time. It’s kind of like quitting smoking cigarettes. The voices that urge us to begin again are strong and consistent for the first few weeks, then gradually fade in power over the months. So when you first start arming yourself with God’s weapons over your enemy’s voice and using them, those demons will go, but will return soon after. But if you do not allow them to really penetrate your mind by using Jesus’ authority over them, you will discover, over time, that you will no longer be tormented by them. If you feel you need more help, find a good Christian counselor or pastor.

Feedback so far:

Jim I – Thanks for sending this Dave. The enemy had a field day with me went I went through divorce.

Why are some words foul?

In Mark 7:20-23, Jesus explains what defiles us. What we say with our mouths, He says, reflects whatever is in our hearts and therefore will eventually spew out of our mouths. This is one reason why “four-letter words” are wrong. When I taught teens, some agreed with the late comic George Carlin’s erroneous position that words are just words and none are wrong to say.

This raises a good question: What really makes the “F-word” wrong? I’ve always maintained that sexual intercourse between two humans in love with each other and married is a very special moment. God joins us in a holy soul-tie to one another through this act. With humans, sex is more than a mere physical act. It is NOT the same with animals because there is no love or soul-tying happening. By reducing the human sex experience down to a word that is often used in anger, rebellion, gross exploitation of women, or debasement to an animal level, it becomes quite bad (foul, perverted), certainly not neutral as Mr. Carlin asserted. Other words are wrong because of gross connotations they carry. Every language has them. If they spew out of our mouths, then what is in our heart? Ouch.

Seeking His Face

Joan: What do you think it means to “Seek His face?” Ps. 27:8,9.

Dave: Wow, good question. The context of Psalms 27 describes David’s yearning to know God intimately. We cannot take the phrase “Seek My face” literally because no sinner can behold the face of God without perishing (Exodus 33:20). Therefore, we can easily and properly interpret this phrase as a metaphor for getting to know God intimately. Metaphors are used hundreds of times in Scripture. For example, when Jesus claimed to be the bread of life, He did not mean He is a loaf of bread. He meant that He is the staple of life, or no one can live without being connected to Him. The only way I know how to become more intimate with a Holy God is to marry my heart to his Word, meditate on His Word, and pray in the name of Jesus. This, I believe, is “seeking His face.” I think it also includes the notion that we are coming to Him with no personal agenda. We just want to know and have the ability to do the right thing.

Mike M (Roman Catholic): quoting from my End-Time prophecy issue:  “a basic rule of interpretation is to assume a passage is literal unless proven figurative.”  How would this apply to Jesus saying “this is my body/blood”?

Dave: The context makes the difference. He also said to cut off your hand if it cause you to sin. He said He was the “bread of life.” He did not mean rye bread or any literal bread. Bread is a staple of physical life so He was claiming to be the One who gives eternal life. He also said His words are “spirit and life” in John. So Jesus establishes Himself as a user of metaphors and figurative language on many occasions. So when He said “this is my body/blood” when referring to the wine and bread, He was not breaking Old Testament Law that forbade the drinking of blood. I know this goes against one of the biggest Roman Catholic beliefs, but it is one of many reasons that I cannot be Roman Catholic. We are saved by faith, not works according to Ephesians 2:8-9. Works includes rituals as well. Participating in rituals alone does not have the power to save a soul. If that wine literally turns into His blood, then according to Jesus, no one can be saved unless they believe this. That would send to hell all protestants and non-denominationalists like myself. I urge you to read the Gospel of John. It’s loaded with great stuff from Jesus. God bless ya Mike, and thanks for asking good questions and being willing to discuss things. I sooo appreciate that in you! Hope you still enjoy that new job!

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